Jokes

[temwani]

I am sure there are also skeletons which won't come out!!!!

[buliebuse]

All skeletons are ex- husbands
Ju

[temwani]

Come on girl- we know you better than that!

[buliebuse]

So - I fibbed!
Not all skeletons declared then shall we say ! ;D
Ju

[temwani]

We can rattle a few at the party

[buliebuse]

Good idea
You can play the bones,Sandra the bottles,Ewa the saucepans,Beth(daughter) the drums,Ben (son) electric guitar & I'll whistle dixie! ;D

[mayahund]

Hey Jules;
Hubby plays a mean comb and I do sthinghys ......when I don't dance on the bar Now I tried to corret the "sthingys" (whatever they are) twice but I doesn't work - what I'm trying to say is - "sthingys"
When is the party?

Ewa who's now giving up trying to correct the word and will go out and lern to play - sthingys???

[Shaun Eric Ewing]

mayahund said:

Hey Jules;
I do sthingys ......

Tell me what the word is in an email Ewa, it seems that the swearword filter has blocked it!!!! I can unblock it if I know what it is.

Shaun

[temwani]

Shaun,

What a slur on her character - as if she would use a swear word

!

Geri

[mayahund]

Who??
Me???
Using swear words???
You'll all get a good laugh when Shaun has fixed the filter ;D
Ewa

[Shaun Eric Ewing]

Should be fixed now.

Shaun

[mayahund]

spoons - my post should read "spoons" not "stinghys"

Now whats dirty about that?
Ewa

[temwani]

Well Shaun come on what's dirty about spoons?

[Shaun Eric Ewing]

Well, the trouble lies in the fact that parts of words can also be felt as derogatory with some groups of people. There is a standard list on this site that tries to filter swear words and derogatory words out. I just looked at the list and removed the words that were causing the problems. The idea is good, but after all it is just a machine and it cannot think for itself. Some words that we think of as ordinary, eg vaginal hyperplasia would have been filtered out when we started this forum, as we find problems I will disable the words that are causing the problems.

Shaun

[bulietaz]

how many women with pmt does it take to change a lightbulb? 25 why 25? IT JUST DOES OK!!!

[buliebuse]

How many men does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
One - He just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve around him

[bulietaz]

how many schizophrenics does it take to change a lightbulb? one....or twodepending on the time of his last medication

[mayahund]

How many norweigans does it take to screw a lightbulb in? 100 - One to hold the lightbulb and 99 to twist the room around!

Sorry Helene - couldn't resist - You can pay back ;D
Ewa

[temwani]

How many ladies does it take to change a light bulb?

None, I wouldn't dream of doing it - that's men's work!

[buliebuse]

Now with Ewas spoons not getting through the filter not sure how this joke will come out

One saggy boob said to another saggy boob, if we don't get some support soon people will think we're nuts!

Ju

[mayahund]

Hey - boob works but not spoons?
I'm flabbergasted
Ewa

[buliebuse]

Ewa
I can't believe for one minute the word you tried to post was spoons! ;D
Ju

[ryk]

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

[ryk]

Some guy is driving down the highway when he sees a big billboard:
"San Francisco Nuns' Brothel - 10 miles"

He thought he must've mis-read it... didn't make any sense, but he slowed down looking for more billboards...

Further ahead... "San Francisco Nuns' Brothel - 5 miles"

"Oh, it's real... how peculiar!" he thought...

Further ahead... "San Francisco Nun's Brothel - Exit Right"

With such curiosity, he took the exit until he came to an ancient house made of stone with a placard reading "San Francisco Nun's"

He couldn't resist... so he rung the door-bell.

Out came an old nun, who politely received him:

"What is your desire, sir?"
"I saw the billboard and was interested"
"Very well, please follow me"

They crossed several corridors and the nun showed him to a closed door.

"It's here, please knock" ... and she left.

He knocked on the door and another old nun answered the door and handed him a small metal cup.

"Please sir, place 100 dollars in this cup".

He complies...

"Go straight down the corridor to the large door. It's unlocked"

THe guy walks down the corridor to the large door... pushed it open and all of a sudden the door closes behind him.

Surprised, he finds himself in the car-park again... with a sign saying:

"Go in piece, poor sinner. The San Francisco Nun's have just screwed you over"

[sandaharr]

A man is lying on his hospital bed,waking up after a big operation.
His eyes flicker open and he sees his wife and says 'Hey,you're beautiful!' he goes back to sleep,his eyes flicker open a little later and his wife is still there,he sees her and says 'Hey,you're cute',the wife asks,'I thought you said I was beautiful?',man replies 'Whadda you expect,the drugs are wearing off!!'

[ryk]

A cannibal comes home after a day in the bush and see´s his wife cutting up a snake and a small man…"Oh no he says… not snake and pygmy pie again"

[ryk]

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday."
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


~~~~

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that
you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

[bulietaz]

hi Ryk
enjoyed your joke about the nuns, see what you think of this one....
3 nuns died and went to heaven.
St. Peter met them at the gates and said i must ask you each a question before I can allow you in.
He turned to the novice and said tell me the name of the first man created.
thats easy she replied, he was called Adam.
correct said st. peter and opened the gates.
He turned to the sister and said what was the name of the first woman created.
thats easy said the sister, her name was eve.
correct said st. peter and opened the gates.
He turned to the mother superior and asked, what was the first thing eve said to adam.
oh! said the mother superior, thats a hard one!
st. peter smiled and opened the gates............

[ryk]

THINK

Can you cry under water?
________________________________

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
________________________________

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going ?
________________________________

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you
were buried in for eternity?
________________________________

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
________________________________

What disease did cured ham actually have?
________________________________

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it
would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
________________________________

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake
up like every two hours?
________________________________

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
________________________________

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
________________________________

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
________________________________

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to
see you naked anyway.
________________________________

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
________________________________

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
________________________________

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song
about him?
________________________________

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
________________________________

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
________________________________

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
________________________________

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?
________________________________

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
________________________________

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons?
________________________________

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
________________________________

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
________________________________

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere,
but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
________________________________

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out
the window?
________________________________

Do you ever wonder why you reading this address in the first place?

[mayahund]

Hey Helene; can't you get out of the house due to too much snow either? ;D

Great jokes!
Ewa